Pink or blue???

In four days, I will - hopefully! - find out if I'm having a girl or boy.  It's funny how anxious I am for this now, since for years I thought I wouldn't want to know until birth.  There are a couple reasons that changed.  The first was when I decided to do the single-mom thing.  Going it alone, I just feel like I need to be able to plan as much as possible, and have lots of time to buy, register for and organize baby's gear.  I'm also hoping to hit some of the late-season garage and consignment sales to save some pennies.  And even if I hadn't made the decision to find out when I started "trying", seeing the lack of variety of "neutral" baby things might have persuaded me!  I am far from a girly-girl, and while I'm sure if I'm having a girl I'll get some cute pink things, I won't be immersing her in a totally pink world.  I was way too much of a tom-boy growing up.  But even things that aren't uber-girly definitely have a "gender identity."  It feels like I'd have to wait on getting much of anything if I waited to find out.  It may be different if I planned on having a second too... in that case I'd try harder to find cute neutral things to save them for #2.  Since I'm not, I figure it gives me license to go girl... or boy!

So, what will it be?  Boy, or girl?  So far I think most people are predicting a boy... but is that because many of them are hoping it's a girl?!  Myself, I don't have a feeling either way.  Or, I should say, a consistent one... for awhile I think girl, then boy, then girl again.  The same is true for my preference I guess...  there are days I hope it's a girl and worry that I'll be sad if not, but then something changes and I think I'd be a great mom for a boy and how fun it would be to have a son.  On the girl side, I know my close bond with my own mom is one of the big draws.  Yet there's no guarantee my daughter and I would have the same relationship.  Of course little girl clothes are totally adorable.  But the dog-lover I am, there's defnitely more pooch-themed boy things!  And I think it would be so fun to have a boy, who would get great sports exposure in my family, but who I'd also expose to lots of things that aren't totally macho... music, dance, theater, art.  Overall, there are lots of silly reasons to want either one, and I feel I'm just so lucky to have a child period, I know I'll be thrilled either way.  Yeah, on a down day, I'll be sad to think I'll never have whatever I'm not having... but the blessing of this baby has helped keep the down days to a minimum, and I think finding out the gender will make it that much more real for me! 

One thing I'm sure of... boy or girl... once I find out this Wednesday, the shopping urge is going to be MUCH harder to resist!!!